warm up
stream of consciousness q&a
1. “what are some cases where you trusted someone you shouldn’t have trusted?”
I notice that I resist this question. and/or, it doesn’t resonate with me.
I don’t think I’ve ever trusted someone I shouldn’t have trusted.
what I do think I’ve done is give my heart to people I shouldn’t have given my heart to [sort of true, but I have no regrets], or given my heart to people who didn’t have the capacity to hold it or me in the ways that I hoped for or would’ve wanted [more true], or wanted to experience things with people that they weren’t available for & therefore couldn’t meet me in [definitely true]. but, at a fundamental level, I have never had my trust broken by someone I love. and/or, every time I have had my trust broken, it has taught me exactly what I needed to learn.
I love this question, though. and I love how it moves me. I love how it opens me. because of course, this isn’t true. it’s just that I don’t focus my attention & energy on the places where I’ve been let down. I focus on where & how I can be met, and creating beautiful relationships from what’s here now, and I’m good at that.
not because I’m rejecting or repressing xyz. actually, it’s the opposite. I’ve processed a lot of hurt in my life. and so, the hurt that I’ve processed doesn’t hurt [me] anymore.
I see & feel that we’re all doing our best in the ways we can & know how [to]. and, I am humbled by it. from there, my heart cracks open to love.
2. “what are some cases where you did not trust someone whom you should have?”
again, I can’t think of anything.
I don’t distrust by default. I am not wary by default. and when I do feel wary of someone, I sense & test it. I express it. I say, “hey, I’m scared.” how the other person responds tells me everything I need to know.
3. “have you met people who are particularly good at judging who and how to trust. what makes them good? what lessons if any can you draw from their practice?”
yes: me.
what makes them good? they trust & have a good relationship with themselves.
what lessons if any can you draw from their practice? as above, so below :)
4. “how do you think you are different on this issue than others? why?”
I notice that I feel wary of making myself exceptional or special here. for every “other” who seems different, there are many others who are similar. it’s all about what you put your attention (focus) on.
if I am different from others on this, I don’t care for it. it doesn’t inspire me. I yearn for more people to have relationships with trust that inspire & delight them. I hold hope that it’s possible.
5. “how does the internet affect all of this?”
I’ve had many beautiful experiences with people I’ve met on the internet, and I don’t think it makes things that different. that said, I’ve always used my real name [in interactions], and had interactions with others in the same vein. I think that makes things cleaner & clearer. I want to know who I’m speaking to, and I want to connect with you on a real level. if you’re not capable of doing that, we aren’t a match. you get what you give. and, you get what you’re available for.
choose wisely & enjoy!
credit: thank you to an anonymous reader for contributing these questions & inspiring this feature. much love <3 if you have questions you’d like me to answer in a future issue, drop me a DM :)