on optimising for energetic resonance
is it possible to build a life & business around people you love?
written on October 7th, 2024; published unedited
I’m betting my life force & beingness on a set of ideas I believe in with every fibre of my being and also cannot prove (or execute on) alone:
the idea that what I want, wants me back.
the idea that I am wanted as I am.
the idea that what I have to give is valuable & precious.
the idea that this is & will be recognised by the right people.
the idea that this is & will be cherished.
aka— the power & importance of energetic resonance. and I’m embedding this approach into everything I do, create & say yes to from here on in.
if you know me personally, you’ll know this isn’t new for me. you’ll know that this is a core tenet of how & why I build relationships. you’ll know that I am a long-term, strategic thinker & player.
and… you’ll know that I have big dreams & desires.
I’ve been learning a lot about the US immigration system recently. the ins & outs of tax law, corporate structures, yada yada. the importance of reading the fine print & ticking boxes. everything I can’t do alone. everything I am powerless (or helpless) around. everything that brings me fear.
and it is beautiful & heartfelt & tender & scary.
I leave the country on 19/11. I am pouring myself into carpe diem in a way I have never done before; in a way I have never had the capacity to do before. and, it is stretching me.
endless, endless, endless.
relentless, relentless, relentless.
focus, focus, focus.
I feel like a toned, primed athlete.
learning to tend to myself.
learning to listen.
contending with everything I don’t know.
what happens after 19/11? I don’t know. I know I’m applying for an E2 visa. but/and, I don’t know where I want to go from here. physically, I mean.
and not knowing— uncertainty— opens me up to being hurt. or disappointed. or maybe just confronted by the mundane nature of certain aspects of reality.
what am I running away from? what am I attempting to obfuscate, deny, disown?
I want to live the most magical life possible.
I want to live the most truthful, beautiful, magnetic life possible.
and… I cannot do this alone. being an independent woman doesn’t fulfil me.
my work, and the basis of my philosophy, is exactly the opposite: that having the right woman on your team in xyz ways is tremendously RECIPROCALLY valuable. I am devoted to this even when I don’t know what “the way” looks like yet. it humbles me.
I enjoy being humbled because it opens me & connects me with god.
I want to make a list of things I think I know.
I want to pour my soul onto the page.
I want to allow myself to be vulnerable in ways that scare & open me.
I want to allow myself to be seen. but not in a viral kind of way.
by my people. my people are everything to me.
I am navigating two coexisting truths at once. both are bringing me to my knees:
I am doing so, so, so fucking well.
I have so much to be proud of myself for.
I am incredible. I am so fucking incredible.
and, oh my god. this stuff is hard. this stuff is hard.
it helps to cry. that’s been a big learning recently.
when I cry, I open.
when I cry, I feel.
I should be so proud of myself. why am I not more proud of myself?
because it hurts. and because I have been let down (or simply disappointed) so many times. because I’m grieving & processing so much that I don’t yet know how to put into words. because my fire is the blazing tornado of my heart.
there are two anecdotes that are richly, deeply, powerfully alive for me right now:
1. yesterday, in bed. naked (I think)
words that are evocative in & of themselves.
person a: “more people understand you than you realise”
me, in my head: “maybe that’s true, and it’s scary to be understood”
2. two days ago, at alchemy springs (which surpassed any & all expectations I had— very much worth a visit)
person b: “you seem to have very low expectations”
me, in my head, noticing the ways in which my low (or non-existent) expectations cushion the blow of being hurt or let down: “maybe. or maybe I just want to live a life in which it is easy to be delighted”
… and maybe more than one truth can be true at once.