My parents are ashamed of me.

And I understand why.

Photo by Mark Boss on Unsplash

I could quiver for you
right now
in your arms.

I think quiver is the right word
because a part of me
is shaking.

And if I breathed into the sensation enough
all of me would shake.

All of me would break open.

But I don’t want to do that
for you
right now.

So I don’t.
So I won’t.

Less is always more.

That’s what I learned.

Am I right?

Am I a good girl, yet?

Less was always more when I starved myself, too. Less was always more when I was “sick”. Because less made me less… and you wanted that, didn’t you? No… of course you didn’t. You were just afraid. 

I understand your fear, but I will not entertain it.

I don’t want to play with it, let alone placate it.

I have done nothing wrong.
I am doing nothing wrong.

I can stand in that.

So I am free.