my biggest fear

an essay about death

I’ve died a lot this year.

was it me? was it who I thought I was? do I know what the difference is?

the burning away of the false self is the burning away of illusions.

to see truth is to die, too.
to know truth is to die, too.

and all of it, a little death.

“what are you willing to die for?” she asked.

with one hand on my heart, I said, “this.”

secret garden

it was night time, and we were together.

just me & her. her & me.

we were lovers, but more than that, we were friends.
we would never have been lovers if we hadn’t been friends.

whenever I touched her, I felt her love for me. reciprocally.

I kissed her naked body all over under the moonlight. she writhed beneath me.

then abruptly, she sat up, almost haughty. taut collarbones, tight stomach, sweet breasts.

“what in you needs to die for you to be able to truly live?”

I sat back on my haunches…