a hot, BDSM-adjacent idea I like to play with:
believing that Life is my Master who provides me with absolutely everything I need to experience every single day (& moment) of my life
two pillars:
1. nothing is wrong
2. I can't get it wrong
when you slow down enough to be able to feel, it isn't just that something changes (although it does)
it's that life has a different texture to it. there is a languidness-- wafting hair & limbs--and a renewed sense of self-determination. there is a solidity to the way we move.
the greatest pain is not pain but resistance. the greatest love is not love but surrender. “I give myself to you because I want to. I give myself to you because I trust you. I give myself to you because I want to devote myself to you.” to live like love is a devotional act.
I used to think that I wanted you to see me. really, I wanted to see myself. I wanted to see myself through your eyes. I wanted to see myself through any eyes that weren’t my own. I wanted to escape myself. I knew I couldn't hate myself into a version of myself that I loved.
hatred is dissociative. when we stay with hate in a safe container for long enough, the whole body starts to join in. feelings start to pour in, and the whole body wakes up. hatred thawed is heartbreak.
every time I have been (or felt) betrayed, it's bc I gave my power away. I gave my power away bc I wanted to & I thought it was the right thing to do. I didn't give my power away; I gave my power *to* you. I gave you my power bc I trusted you & I trusted you would keep it safe.
there is nowhere to hide anymore. that's the first thing. the second thing is that I don't want to. I don't want to hide anymore. I want to soften.
there is something about seeing you again that feels bittersweet. I write to you like you can hear me. you can, you do... and everyone else can too. I’m not self-conscious anymore. it's okay.
we listened to k’s voice together & gently laughed in the dark. you said you liked the meditations. I said how much it touched me that you liked them. it felt like you liked me, too.
it felt like you saw me, too. it felt like you understood & were a part of my world in a way I’d never experienced before. I didn't want anything from you. I wasn't angry with you. I was happy for you. I wanted you to be happy too.
Very nice lesson on magic =) I really like the esoteric Rachelism =)