Let's speak about what's real & let it soften us.
When we make shame legible, it stops being a self-fulfilling prophecy.
[theory] shame makes us illegible to ourselves by creating conditions in which:
❌ “there are things that we can't touch”
❌ “there are places we can't go”
shame teaches us two things:
1. we are fundamentally unsafe
“if you fully expressed yourself, bad things would happen”
2. not to ask why
“I know better than you; this is just the way it is”
shame also teaches us to defer to others’ opinions, experiences & judgements over our own.
shame teaches us to negate & invalidate our own felt wisdom.
shame teaches us that it is morally right & JUSTIFIABLE to hate and/or betray ourselves.
... then, shame blames us for it.
shame is the ultimate abusive partner:
✔️ it torments us
✔️ it inhibits us
✔️ it limits us
... and it's faithful, loving & always by our side 💗
shame’s unique selling point:
when all is said & done, shame never threatens to leave us.
we can never be good OR bad enough for it not to want to be with us.
✔️ shame loves us for who (for ALL) we are
and...
❌ its love is conditional on us believing that we are bad
shame’s dirty little secret:
it doesn't threaten to leave us bc it knows it wouldn't stand a chance without us.
⚡️IT NEEDS US MORE THAN WE NEED IT⚡️
shame’s compulsion = to make us feel like we owe it something.
without us, it isn't just inadequate; it's WORTHLESS.
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️ @rachelclif
behind the veil:
✔️ like us, shame wants to have a purpose
✔️ like us, shame wants to find, cultivate & CREATE meaning
✔️ like us, shame yearns for love & affection
✔️ like us, shame yearns to be-- & is afraid of being-- fully seen
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️ @rachelclif
paradigm check:
old: speak truth to power
new: speaking truth is power
two pillars:
💥 “I am powerful”
💥 “I have power”
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️ @rachelclif
if there was nothing to be afraid of, nothing to be ashamed of & you couldn't get it wrong:
what would you let yourself [claim* that you] want?
*even if only just for yourself
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️ @rachelclif