I'm trying something different.

I'll be writing & sharing my year-end reflections with you. Unfiltered.

Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash

I want to bridge the gap between you & me.

That’s the first thing. Because I believe that the distance between us is illusory.

Or at least…. that it can be.

And I believe that there is real value in being able to speak your truth, unfiltered, in real time. And hold yourself to that. And be held to that. And watch your judgements—& attachments— dissolve.

Who I am now is not who I will be.

That’s the beauty, the magic & the mystery.

Let’s hold onto— & savour— what’s real.

Over the next 4 days, I will be going through the prompts in this workbook as part of a year end review process.

I will share as much as feels good to share here, with you.

My people.

Before I begin…

I want to take a moment to notice my sensitivity.

Everything is heightened right now. I am feeling deeply. And I notice how easy it is for me to interpret simple things as disconnection or rejection. I notice how easy it is for feelings of shame & anxiety to creep in. I notice how much I yearn to cry. I need to cry. I have been crying out for tears.

I have been waiting to feel safe enough to cry for so, so, so many years.

And I had no idea.

I had a 3-hour tantric pelvic message on Saturday.

Almost naked, I cried in the arms of a loving stranger.

I was present & in my body the whole way through.

I didn’t numb out.
I didn’t dissociate.
I didn’t pretend.
I didn’t perform.

It wasn’t particularly sexual.

I stayed.
I let myself receive.
I don’t know how to feel anymore.

There’s a deep grief that comes with change, and it’s what I want to speak to here… today.

I want to let the waves wash Me away.
I want to let myself feel.
I want to let myself cry.
I want to let myself grieve.

I have been holding onto so much, for so long, and I am starting to let to go of it… slowly & steadily. I am gaining momentum. I am here. I am love. I am loved. Everything happens in perfect timing.

More to come tomorrow.

Until then…

Thank you for being here.
Thank you for supporting me.
Thank you for staying.

Go deeper.