I want you, but I don't need you

on losing everything & finding something better

I stand on a threshold in between worlds, in the world & not of it.

I feel the sacredness of desire— of my desires— and it nourishes me.

I feel my legitimacy. I feel their legitimacy. we become one.

fuck yes.

taken by me at la verna monastery

anyone who knows me knows that I am obsessed with precision.

energetically & otherwise.

the subtle art of giving a fuck can be about care, thrusting into another, or care-as-thrusting into another.

context is all.

I like the bare-bones brutality of writing in this way, sharing in this way, thinking in this way.

I like that they are one & the same, and also distinct. each a side of the same coin; each a part of the same whole. each has their part to play. and each is more whole with the other/s.

there’s a lesson in that, I think— about the ways in which we become more whole with others. and the ways in which we become more whole through others.

and the soaring, soaring, soaring euphoria of this.

I became, and have become, more whole with & through you.

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men are & have always been my crucibles.

I’m not a slut. I’m not a whore. I’m a mirror.

the people who are or become close to me— whether for a time or a lifetime—are my mirrors too.

this is how I see them. and, this is how I perceive my life to work.

I love on a soul level.
my love is soul-level.

love, for me, is about touching the depths of who you are— really seeing & knowing that essence— and making love to it.

it is simple. it is precious. it is pure.
it is innocent.

---

I’m packing for a two-week deity yoga retreat.

I love that I get to call this “work”.

I’m packing lighter than I ever have before, and not just because all my luggage got stolen on the first day of my last trip.

I’m packing lighter because I’m carrying less baggage— literally & metaphorically.

I’m packing lighter because “stuff” no longer feels as if it supports or anchors me.

I’m packing lighter because I realise how little I actually need [to be able to have a good time], and it sets me free.