![Twitter avatar for @rachelclif](https://substackcdn.com/image/twitter_name/w_96/rachelclif.jpg)
1/2/2023
haha! I got yesterday’s date wrong.
or right.
the cosmic joke continues.
onwards.
how am I? softening. dissolving.
I feel myself rearing against sharing more, like YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND.
but maybe you would.
you probably would.
maybe I'm just afraid to.
![Twitter avatar for @rachelclif](https://substackcdn.com/image/twitter_name/w_96/rachelclif.jpg)
my biggest fear is having vulnerability-- my feelings, my power & their/my expression-- used against me.
specifically in relation to discrediting me & my work.
I am aware of that wound.
I choose to let it go.
I know how to handle it now.
I don't need to be afraid.
![Twitter avatar for @rachelclif](https://substackcdn.com/image/twitter_name/w_96/rachelclif.jpg)
it gets to be easy. it gets to be different.
I choose to let myself be human too.
I choose that there is nothing I can't say or do here.
I choose to LIVE the example I purport to set.
even (especially) when it's gut-wrenching.
I choose NOT to live a life of separation.
![Twitter avatar for @rachelclif](https://substackcdn.com/image/twitter_name/w_96/rachelclif.jpg)
I choose brokenheartedness over heartlessness.
I choose having people in my life that I can go to & just cry with.
I choose not having to be tough to be respected.
I choose not having to be anything other than what & who I am to be respected.
![Twitter avatar for @rachelclif](https://substackcdn.com/image/twitter_name/w_96/rachelclif.jpg)
I choose to respect & honour myself.
I choose to forgive. & I choose to open my heart to love.
over & over & over again.
the depth & breadth that I am able to feel is a superpower. it’s not something that I need to hide or deny. it is my greatest gift & greatest strength.
![Twitter avatar for @rachelclif](https://substackcdn.com/image/twitter_name/w_96/rachelclif.jpg)
it is beautiful. I am beautiful.
I love you.
I want everyone to be able to feel like me while looking at themselves.
![Twitter avatar for @rachelclif](https://substackcdn.com/image/twitter_name/w_96/rachelclif.jpg)
[later]
I fucked something up just now.
something minor but important.
now, I'm choosing how I respond to it.
do I regard it as a fuck up, or do I use this as an opportunity to regroup & connect with the tender parts of myself?
it's only a fuck up if I have to be perfect.