Are you accidentally creating a shitty life for yourself?
A newsletter about systemic change & the perils of over-functioning in relationships.
ARE YOU ACCIDENTALLY CREATING A SHITTY LIFE FOR YOURSELF?
a 🧵 on systemic change & the perils of “over-functioning” in relationships
how to get other people to pick up their dog shit:
[do anything but] pick up their dog shit for them
how to get other people to take responsibility for their shit:
[do anything but] take responsibility for their shit for them
quickfire Q&A:
q: what *actually* kills relationships?
a: over-functioning
q: why?
a: you over-functioning enables someone else to under-function; the stability of the relational unit is conditional on you choosing to support the OP in a way they can't (won't) reciprocate
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️ @rachelclif
when people stay in relationships* that require them to over-function,
they create a self-fulfilling prophecy:
they are not available to be or feel supported by their partner in the way/s they desire most
*applies beyond intimate relationships
truth: it is perfectly possible to stay in dead relationships for a long time
- it's socially normative
- it may even be [seen to be] socially desirable
bottom line:
the status quo “happily” lives on while you aren't pouring your heart & soul into creating something better
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️ @rachelclif
quick vibe-check:
- if your relationships are dead, there’s a good chance that you’ll feel dead too
2. if your relationships are killing you, there's a good chance that you'll feel like you're dying
quality relationships 🤝 quality life
call me phoenix or die trying @womanrising
3 truths:
- be[com]ing an adult can be scary
- taking responsibility can be hard
- the only way out is through
why?
real love,
connection & intimacy
creates & REQUIRES
trust & truth
the easiest way
to break a connection
is to lie
call me phoenix or die trying @womanrising
what happens when we lie to & deny ourselves:
- guilt
- shame
- blame
- denial
- resentment
- frustration
- withdrawal
why?
we are denying how we really feel & what we really want
because
we don't believe it's possible and/or that we’re deserving of it
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️ @rachelclif
how to identify if your relationship is killing you:
do you find yourself going to elaborate lengths to justify it to yourself & others?
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️ @rachelclif
how to transform your relationships:
work with me 😇
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️ @rachelclif
how to transform your relationships without working with me:
go where you are celebrated
& learn how
to stay
❤️
call me phoenix or die trying @womanrising