Are you accidentally creating a shitty life for yourself?
A newsletter about systemic change & the perils of over-functioning in relationships.
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️@rachelclif
ARE YOU ACCIDENTALLY CREATING A SHITTY LIFE FOR YOURSELF?
a 🧵 on systemic change & the perils of “over-functioning” in relationships
3:42 PM · Feb 15, 2023
6 Reposts · 45 Likes
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️@rachelclif
how to get other people to pick up their dog shit:
[do anything but] pick up their dog shit for them
3:42 PM · Feb 15, 2023
15 Likes
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️@rachelclif
how to get other people to take responsibility for their shit:
[do anything but] take responsibility for their shit for them
3:42 PM · Feb 15, 2023
16 Likes
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️@rachelclif
quickfire Q&A:
q: what *actually* kills relationships?
a: over-functioning
q: why?
a: you over-functioning enables someone else to under-function; the stability of the relational unit is conditional on you choosing to support the OP in a way they can't (won't) reciprocate
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️ @rachelclif
if you feel you can't express [some part of] yourself with a long-term partner/SO, shutting down is INEVITABLE.
"I care about you/what we've created together so much that I'm prepared to pretend that what I want (& how I feel about what I want) DOESN'T MATTER."
3:42 PM · Feb 15, 2023
19 Likes
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️@rachelclif
when people stay in relationships* that require them to over-function,
they create a self-fulfilling prophecy:
they are not available to be or feel supported by their partner in the way/s they desire most
*applies beyond intimate relationships
3:43 PM · Feb 15, 2023
15 Likes
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️@rachelclif
truth: it is perfectly possible to stay in dead relationships for a long time
- it's socially normative
- it may even be [seen to be] socially desirable
bottom line:
the status quo “happily” lives on while you aren't pouring your heart & soul into creating something better
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️ @rachelclif
an observation:
sometimes we internalise shame so deeply [that] we don't even realise [that] we're living in it.
we might even call it safety instead.
3:43 PM · Feb 15, 2023
12 Likes
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️@rachelclif
quick vibe-check:
- if your relationships are dead, there’s a good chance that you’ll feel dead too
2. if your relationships are killing you, there's a good chance that you'll feel like you're dying
quality relationships 🤝 quality life
call me phoenix or die trying @womanrising
If you're spending all your time trying to get other people to listen to you, there's a good chance that your soul is crying out for you to listen to it.
What are you hiding from?
3:43 PM · Feb 15, 2023
1 Repost · 16 Likes
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️@rachelclif
3 truths:
- be[com]ing an adult can be scary
- taking responsibility can be hard
- the only way out is through
why?
real love,
connection & intimacy
creates & REQUIRES
trust & truth
the easiest way
to break a connection
is to lie
call me phoenix or die trying @womanrising
Many people go their entire lives without ever experiencing what it’s like to be loved without conditions built-in.
We say we need conditions because we are afraid of what might happen without them. And then we never give ourselves permission to find out.
3:43 PM · Feb 15, 2023
1 Repost · 15 Likes
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️@rachelclif
what happens when we lie to & deny ourselves:
- guilt
- shame
- blame
- denial
- resentment
- frustration
- withdrawal
why?
we are denying how we really feel & what we really want
because
we don't believe it's possible and/or that we’re deserving of it
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️ @rachelclif
at heart, most conflicts come down to one or both of these things:
1. “I’m afraid that I don't matter to you.”
2. “I'm afraid that I’m not safe.”
3:43 PM · Feb 15, 2023
1 Repost · 10 Likes
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️@rachelclif
how to identify if your relationship is killing you:
do you find yourself going to elaborate lengths to justify it to yourself & others?
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️ @rachelclif
If we didn't need to justify ourselves to one another, would you still say the things you say are important to you are important to you?
3:43 PM · Feb 15, 2023
5 Likes
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️@rachelclif
how to transform your relationships:
work with me 😇
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️ @rachelclif
specialisms:
spiritual awakening, SHADOW WORK, relationships, identity, sex, POWER DYNAMICS, presence, communication
- things left unsaid
- conversations you’re not having
- everything you want (but haven’t let yourself own yet)
w/ a focus on integration & embodiment ❤️🔥 https://t.co/NuB2aUP6R4
3:43 PM · Feb 15, 2023
3 Likes
RACHEL CLIFTON (being sexy is being powerful) ⚡️@rachelclif
how to transform your relationships without working with me:
go where you are celebrated
& learn how
to stay
❤️
call me phoenix or die trying @womanrising
GO WHERE YOU ARE CELEBRATED
Go where you feel
safe, seen, loved
held.
Go where you can
unravel.
Go where your
heart feels warm.
And STAY.
Stay with yourself.
Stay with it all.
That is true love.
That is what we came here for.
- R L C
3:43 PM · Feb 15, 2023
5 Likes