An open letter to men, from Every Woman.

We need you to show up for us. Now.

Men,

I love you so much, and I’m frustrated.

I’m sad. I’m hurt. I’m angry.

And I’m not “crazy” for it.
I’m not “crazy” at all.

I am ruthlessly, relentlessly truthful.

Sometimes I wonder whether I’m the only one who will not lie to you.

I don’t want your words. I want your action.
I want your advocacy. I want your allyship.

I desire more support.
I deserve more support.
I deserve & desire to be more supported than I am.

And it hurts (not to receive this from you).

It hurts not to feel supported by you.
I am hurting without you.

Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash

What I Want:

I want you to proactively take it upon yourself to take actions that support me & other women.

And if you don’t know how to do this, I want you to admit it.

I don’t want you to take it upon yourself to work it out by yourself— or by consulting other men.

There is no shame in not knowing, let alone not understanding something.

• I want you to be able to ask for help.

• I want you to be able to ask us for help.

I want you to be able to ask women for help & guidance.

I want you to be able to show vulnerability.

Because vulnerability is truth, vulnerability is human & vulnerability is real.

We are all vulnerable. Vulnerability is powerful.
Vulnerability can also be playful.

There’s nothing to be ashamed of— or run away from— here.

I want you to be a man for me.
I want you to be a man to me.
I want you to do things I can’t do.
I want you to be things I can’t be.

I see, I feel, and I believe in your capacity.

I’m Rachel, and I’m also Every Woman.

I am every woman who’s ever been hurt by a man.
In practice… that’s every woman.

Just like every man has been hurt by at least one woman.

I am every woman who has ever been let down by a man.

Every woman who has ever been gaslit by a man.
Every woman who has ever been used by a man.
Every woman who has ever been abused by a man.
Every woman who has ever been betrayed by a man.

I am every woman. And I need you to see that.

I am not “special”. I am not “different”.
I am not the Other Woman.
I am like every single other woman.
When you hurt her, you hurt me too.

I am every woman you’ve ever dated, kissed or slept with.
I am every female boss, co-worker or direct report you’ve ever pretended this stuff didn’t exist with.
I am your mother, sister, daughter, teacher, student, fiancee & vengeful ex-wife.

When you are everything to me, it feels like I am nothing to you.
And I have nothing left for me.

When I am everything to you, you have nothing left for you.
I can’t see you anymore, let alone feel you.
I miss you. Desperately.

The only thing I want is for you to see me.
The only thing I want from you is for you to be able to meet me.
The only thing I want for you is your truth, courage & liberation.

Will you support me with this?