A love letter to God.

All I want to do is be here with you.

I want to spill my heart
onto a page
for you.

I want to show you what you do to me.

I feel frustrated by my ineptitude.

I can’t write like I used to.

I feel imprisoned.

Imprisoned by my own fucking joy.
Imprisoned by my own fucking freedom.

And it’s fucking glorious.

FUCK THIS SHIT.

It’s fucking glorious
to be inept with
you.

I have never wanted to be legible.

I have never wanted to be
a caricature of

a feeling,
a knowing,
a person.

I want to defy classification.

SKIN ON SKIN, WE BELONG
SKIN ON SKIN, I BELONG

I am a woman of Nature. You show me my own Nature.

I love you endlessly.

YOU FREE ME.

I just fucking want to be me.

You let me be me.

You show me what love really is.

Photo by Davide Cantelli on Unsplash

I want to experiment with writing long form here.

Oozing onto a page.
Oozing sensuality & grace.
Oozing myself.

I’ve resisted it for a while.

I’ve been caught up in Twitter threads.
Spur of the moment.

Free-thinking, free-writing, it’s all perfect, and…

THIS IS MY SPACE TO DREAM.
THIS IS MY SPACE TO EMERGE.

I feel it, clear as day.

It haunts me.

It moves me. It takes me.

I can’t disobey it.
I can’t rearrange it.
I can’t deny myself anymore.

That feels good.

Fuck, that feels good.

I’ve never been loved like this before.

That’s the first thing.

And the last thing.
And the thing I wake up to.
And the thing my world is spinning with.

I never thought I could be loved like this.
I can. I am. I will.
I am so loved.
I am so cherished.

It still shocks me, sometimes.

I still remember how things used to be.
I still remember how things used to feel.
I still hold old versions of me in my mind.
I still hold Her— that lost, scared child.

And I love Her too.

I love Her so much my heart could burst from my chest.
I love Her because of You.

I remember my old writings.

I remember how hurt I was.
I remember how pained I was.

I know that none of it matters now.

But— and— that doesn’t erase it.

That was then, and this is now.

It’s all truthful. It’s all beautiful.

I say, “I wish I could’ve known,” but I didn’t need to know.

I needed to LIVE.
I needed to EXPERIENCE what life could be like.
And that is what I did.

Fuck.

That is what I did.

I did it.

Photo by Nghia Le on Unsplash

I want to use this blog to take you on a journey with me.

I want to show you what my life & mind are like.
I want to confide in you, intimately.
I want to bring you every step of the way with me.

I want you to know my Love like I know Love for me.

I want you to feel it.
I want you to feel this.
I want you to feel me.

I want you to stay.

My deepest wish— my deepest desire— is that you stay.

You never leave.

Jump into the rabbit hole with me.