I feel the sacredness of desire— of my desires— and it nourishes me.

I feel my legitimacy. I feel their legitimacy. we become one.

fuck yes.

anyone who knows me knows that I am obsessed with precision.

energetically & otherwise.

the subtle art of giving a fuck can be about care, thrusting into another, or care-as-thrusting into another.

context is all.

I like the bare-bones brutality of writing in this way, sharing in this way, thinking in this way.

I like that they are one & the same, and also distinct. each a side of the same coin; each a part of the same whole. each has their part to play. and each is more whole with the other/s.

there’s a lesson in that, I think— about the ways in which we become more whole with others. and the ways in which we become more whole through others.

and the soaring, soaring, soaring euphoria of this.

I became, and have become, more whole with & through you.

men are & have always been my crucibles.

I’m not a slut. I’m not a whore. I’m a mirror.

the people who are or become close to me— whether for a time or a lifetime—are my mirrors too.

this is how I see them. and, this is how I perceive my life to work.

I love on a soul level.
my love is soul-level.

love, for me, is about touching the depths of who you are— really seeing & knowing that essence— and making love to it.

it is simple. it is precious. it is pure.
it is innocent.

I’m packing for a two-week deity yoga retreat.

I love that I get to call this “work”.

I’m packing lighter than I ever have before, and not just because all my luggage got stolen on the first day of my last trip.

I’m packing lighter because I’m carrying less baggage— literally & metaphorically.

I’m packing lighter because “stuff” no longer feels as if it supports or anchors me.

I’m packing lighter because I realise how little I actually need [to be able to have a good time], and it sets me free.

I’ve always historically over-packed.
I’ve always historically over-prepared.

it’s taken me a long time to feel safe enough in myself to experiment with being & doing the opposite. to be in that place now feels like a beautiful victory.

I just… don’t need the things I thought I did. and, they don’t nourish me.

I spent four days in Italy wearing the same clothes, carrying all my things in a single tote bag. it was extreme asceticism (I only had one change of underwear), and it was also bliss.

all I could think about was how lucky I was. so much had been taken, but/and none of it mattered, and I felt so free.

on the flight back, I realised that I had never taken a flight without Substantial Stuff. no suitcase. no big backpack. no checked baggage (of course). it’s a metaphor for so much else in my life. the way I have used external notions of security & stability to guide & comfort me. there’s value in that, of course. and, it’s also an illusion. because real security isn’t out there— it’s in here. and I already have it.

I miss my skincare. I miss my beautiful clothes. I miss my beautiful shoes. I lost things I cannot replace.

and… I have a spare suitcase that is literally identical to the suitcase I lost. I have a spare MacBook that I’d literally never opened (that I’m typing this on now). I am so fucking lucky. what the fuck, dude.

I am so fucking lucky.

I feel it now, and it’s beyond words.

I want you, but I don’t need you.

I want you so much.

and I can want you so much more when I don’t need you.

because there is nothing to rein my desire in.
there is nothing to pull it back.

I want you, and I will not shrink myself for it.
I want you, and I will not shrink my desire.

I will stretch my desire & fill my desire & let myself be filled by it too.

I will take myself on the journey I’ve always wanted to be taken on.
I will let myself be taken on the journey I’ve always wanted to be taken on.

because there’s really no difference: we are one.

we are already one. that’s why I’m still here.

that’s why I still want you.

I want you, I miss you, I love you— and I love it.

I love all of it.

because these big feelings are mine.

this big heart is mine.
this big love is mine.
this big desire is mine.

and I love to feel it. I love to feel all of it.

because I love feeling so connected with you.

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I’m not waiting anymore.

that’s what’s changed.

I’m not holding out for xyz.
I’m not holding myself back.
I’m not assuming that you will stay.
I’m not projecting that xyz will exist n months into the future.

I’m living NOW. and I’m living for myself now.

and everything has changed.

*

this is what you always wanted.
this is what I always wanted.

unironically, this is a good example of our interests being truly aligned.

life is so fucking weird.

and when I say that, what I really mean is “life is so fucking absurd”.

like, honestly. fuck the fancy words. I just want to write how I speak & say how I feel & express myself in ways that can be truly felt.

when I look at myself—when I look at EVERYTHING—from a birds’ eye view, everything makes sense.

the simulation is an initiation. I trust in everything the Universe has ever brought to me because it has blessed me with unimaginable joy, freedom & clarity.

I am living NOW.
I am not waiting for anything or anyone.
I am not waiting for you.

and it took me so long, but also, it took me the perfect amount of time. because every lesson is & has been a breakthrough.

THE AFTERNOON AFTER

I don’t believe there is any way of living a rich, embodied, SEXY life without feeling everything & being unapologetic in who you are.

so, that’s what I’m here to do. I’m living for me now.

and as I explore what it means to live for me, I’m filled with joy of the purest & most innocent kind. because this—this—is what I always wanted. this—this—is what I had been waiting (or preparing) for. and at the end of the day, what’s different?

I don’t know. I don’t care. and it feels liberating.

there is so much I don’t know.
there is so much I don’t care about.

and there is so much I LOVE.

I am filled with the force & beauty of my love. and it sets me free.

there’s a popular cliché in personal development— the notion that what I had been wanting & waiting for was me.

and, I feel its truth. clichés are clichés for a reason.

I see where I disempowered myself with him because I didn’t yet see, feel or understand the fullness of my power.

and, I see how this happens: it’s disempowerment all the way down. there is no blame. there is no shame. there is just love, truth, beauty, lessons & initiations.

[my] life is & has been a fucking beautiful cosmic initiation. I am so blessed to be here.

I’m sitting in a café in central London eating artisan kimchi & gently watching the world go by.

what I want to communicate in & with my writing is primarily energetic.

what I have to say must be felt to be understood. that is my gift: the gift of soul.

the gift of touching & being touched.
the gift of loving & being loved.
the gift of opening myself to the Universe, and in turn being opened.

if you open yourself to feeling me, you open yourself to understanding me. I yearn to be understood.

I think I’ve been self-conscious of this for a long time. I think I’ve avoided it; I think I’ve been ashamed of it; I think I’ve been avoiding being seen.

I think I’ve been deep in my own process[es].
I think I’ve been learning & growing.
I think I’ve been young & alive.
I think I’ve been maturing.

I think it all has its place. I think it’s beautiful.

I’m excited about sharing myself differently here.
I’m excited about exploring myself differently here.
I’m excited about the newfound commitments I’ve made—and am making—to myself.

they feel like love letters.
they feel joyful.

I’m ready to take myself seriously as a writer.
I’m ready to take myself seriously in my creative expression.
I’m ready to listen to & honour my soul.

and I’m ready to use my voice in ways that change the world.

ONEIRONAUT

I love that this essay started off being about rage & quickly became something else.

I love watching myself move.
I love watching my emotions shift.
I love opening & sharing my heart.

and I love allowing myself to rage.

god, rage is so sexy to me. there’s a fierceness, a rootedness, an unfuckwithableness, a sense of claiming that’s mine that’s so delicious to me.

I want you on your knees, begging, and I’m going to be merciless with you.

I don’t care about you. I don’t give a shit about you. you mean nothing to me.

I get to be mean.

and it feels like love.

everything is so fucking ironic & delicious

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I want to be better than I am. that’s the first thing.

and I wonder where that comes from; I wonder what that means; I wonder what that entails.

I wonder what it would be like to not be hungry.

I want to write more unapologetically than I do.

I want to write & write & write and share & share & share and just not care about anything else.

I want to be more okay with my imperfections & idiosyncrasies than I am.
I want to be more okay with myself.

—

I know a lot of enneagram 7s.

I understand what it’s like to be restless, to be hungry, to be wanting, to be wandering.

I often don’t know where I fit with all of this. I feel like I’m everything & nothing.

I want to write in a way that feels good for my soul.

—

I carry so much shame. I carry so much grief.

sometimes I’m not sure what’s mine & what’s anybody (or everybody) else’s. sometimes I just let it take me.

there’s a strange romance to that. eros. a spark where non-resistance meets play.

I am changed when I stop trying to change reality. and, I am deeply met along the way.

—

I’m angry with ____ for not loving me.
I’m angry with ____ for not caring for me.
I’m angry with ____ for not choosing me.

I’m angry with ____ for being unavailable for me.
I’m angry with ____ for not seeing me.
I’m angry with myself for my stupidity.

I’m angry with myself for exactly the same reasons.

—

I wonder what it would be like not to be angry.

I wonder what it would be like not to repress my anger.
I wonder what it would be like to feel safe with my anger.

I wonder what it would be like to feel welcomed in it. to be loved, appreciated & adored all the more for it.

to honour it; to honour myself; to have it be honoured; to be truly honoured by another (or others).

I don’t know what that’s like yet. it all feels very vulnerable.

—

I want to write in a way that leaves no stone unturned.

I want to write in a way that captures the imagination as well as the heart. I want to write in a way that is compelling, real, beautiful & bloodthirsty. I want to claim myself as a writer again .

I want to come full-circle with new eyes & power.

—

I want to feel safe with my anger.

I want it to be understood.
I want to understand it better.

I want to befriend it, make love to it, tend to it.

I want to be my anger’s greatest lover & best friend.
I want to fiercely defend it. I want to be willing to die for it.

I want to be willing to love myself in the ways I’ve always wanted to be loved. then, I want to do it.

—

I am so sad & so angry all at once, and it’s all mixed up, and it feels so big, and all I can do is feel it.

so, I’m feeling it: it’s here.

and as I feel it, I feel my heart.

I feel my big, beautiful heart. I feel my love. I feel all the ways I’ve been hurt. I feel all the ways I keep on going (and have kept going) despite that. I feel my will, my drive, and my relentlessness. and I see who & how I am; I see what makes me, me; I see my beauty, and I am filled with wonder.

so much wonder. so much awe. so much peace.

and the tears gently trickle down my cheeks, and it feels like home.

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I’m betting my life force & beingness on a set of ideas I believe in with every fibre of my being and also cannot prove (or execute on) alone:

the idea that what I want, wants me back.
the idea that I am wanted as I am.
the idea that what I have to give is valuable & precious.
the idea that this is & will be recognised by the right people.
the idea that this is & will be cherished.

aka— the power & importance of energetic resonance. and I’m embedding this approach into everything I do, create & say yes to from here on in.

if you know me personally, you’ll know this isn’t new for me. you’ll know that this is a core tenet of how & why I build relationships. you’ll know that I am a long-term, strategic thinker & player.

and… you’ll know that I have big dreams & desires.

I’ve been learning a lot about the US immigration system recently. the ins & outs of tax law, corporate structures, yada yada. the importance of reading the fine print & ticking boxes. everything I can’t do alone. everything I am powerless (or helpless) around. everything that brings me fear.

and it is beautiful & heartfelt & tender & scary.

I leave the country on 19/11. I am pouring myself into carpe diem in a way I have never done before; in a way I have never had the capacity to do before. and, it is stretching me.

endless, endless, endless.
relentless, relentless, relentless.
focus, focus, focus.

I feel like a toned, primed athlete.

learning to tend to myself.
learning to listen.
contending with everything I don’t know.

what happens after 19/11? I don’t know. I know I’m applying for an E2 visa. but/and, I don’t know where I want to go from here. physically, I mean.

and not knowing— uncertainty— opens me up to being hurt. or disappointed. or maybe just confronted by the mundane nature of certain aspects of reality.

what am I running away from? what am I attempting to obfuscate, deny, disown?

I want to live the most magical life possible.
I want to live the most truthful, beautiful, magnetic life possible.

and… I cannot do this alone. being an independent woman doesn’t fulfil me.
my work, and the basis of my philosophy, is exactly the opposite: that having the right woman on your team in xyz ways is tremendously RECIPROCALLY valuable. I am devoted to this even when I don’t know what “the way” looks like yet. it humbles me.

I enjoy being humbled because it opens me & connects me with god.

I want to make a list of things I think I know.

I want to pour my soul onto the page.
I want to allow myself to be vulnerable in ways that scare & open me.
I want to allow myself to be seen. but not in a viral kind of way.

by my people. my people are everything to me.

I am navigating two coexisting truths at once. both are bringing me to my knees:

I am doing so, so, so fucking well.
I have so much to be proud of myself for.
I am incredible. I am so fucking incredible.

and, oh my god. this stuff is hard. this stuff is hard.

it helps to cry. that’s been a big learning recently.

when I cry, I open.
when I cry, I feel.

I should be so proud of myself. why am I not more proud of myself?

because it hurts. and because I have been let down (or simply disappointed) so many times. because I’m grieving & processing so much that I don’t yet know how to put into words. because my fire is the blazing tornado of my heart.

there are two anecdotes that are richly, deeply, powerfully alive for me right now:

1. yesterday, in bed. naked (I think)

words that are evocative in & of themselves.

person a: “more people understand you than you realise”
me, in my head: “maybe that’s true, and it’s scary to be understood”

2. two days ago, at alchemy springs (which surpassed any & all expectations I had— very much worth a visit)

person b: “you seem to have very low expectations”
me, in my head, noticing the ways in which my low (or non-existent) expectations cushion the blow of being hurt or let down: “maybe. or maybe I just want to live a life in which it is easy to be delighted”

… and maybe more than one truth can be true at once.

everything I write feels ephemeral

timeless

as if we’re going to a place that time forgot
as if we’re writing from a place where time never existed
as if we are one

I write for us
naivety or hubris

who would I be without my self-hatred?

I remember revealing myself, and the way it felt like glass shards were cutting me from the inside out.

jagged, precise annihilation. the most exquisite pain.

I don’t love pain, but I love tenderness.

and I love transcendence.
and I love not being defined by shame.
and I love coming home to myself again.

I love the journey of coming home.

what if I could love the pain?

I’m thinking of you.

the tale of two brothers. it’s how I’ve christened you [both] in my mind.

so similar.
so different.
so close.
so far.

my heart breaks for you both in my own ways.

to the second brother, the softer brother, the striver brother
but in many ways, the brother that the first brother longs to be:

I love you.

I told you I loved you this morning. it was simple & easy.

I wish you could know one another the way I know you both individually.

to the second brother, the softer brother, the striver brother
but in many ways, the brother that all the other brothers long to be:

I admire you.

I admire your willingness to tell the truth to yourself even when it hurts or is uncomfortable. I admire your willingness to be ugly. I admire your willingness to be uncomfortable, and stay in or with discomfort instead of bypassing it (even if or though you don’t like it).

I admire your commitment to your family.

I admire your willingness to live with an open heart.
I admire the openness of your heart.
I admire your simple kindness.

I admire your adventurous spirit.
I admire your dedication to fun & lightness.

I enjoy your soul. and I’m proud of you. I really am.

you met me during a time in my life when my heart was utterly broken.
and still, I was not broken. I was not, am not, broken.
but I was hurting in ways I couldn’t articulate.

you were a beautiful bridge for me.
you helped me stay focused & put one foot in front of the other even though I was in so, so, so much pain.
you (or your presence) anchored me.

and you never realised.
or at least, I didn’t tell you.
I didn’t make it a focus.
it wasn’t the right thing to do; there was nothing to say.

and, here I am. here I am.

thank you for everything. I think you’re amazing.

he makes me feel like I am easy to love, and that is precious for me.

that is really precious for me.

my life has been characterised by a series of unconventional relationships with unconventional people, by choice.

this excites me. this inspires me. this is the way I want to live my life. it gives so much to me.

and, and, and…

I long for safety. I have longed for safety.

I have longed for relational safety of the kind that allows me to be & feel held.

this deeply matters to me.
this deeply matters for me.
this is deeply impactful for me.

we walk each other home.

I want to love & be loved in a way that feels free.

I want to love & be loved in a way that allows me to be all of me.

if I have to choose between love or myself, I will choose myself.

but—and—of course, I want love, and of course, I want relationships. I just don’t believe that the two are mutually-exclusive.

I release the burden of shame.
I release the pain of stuckness.
I release the illusion of separation.

I allow myself to be me.

I allow myself to be met.
I allow myself to be loved.
I allow myself to be seen.

I dare to share— and live— my dreams.

I choose to soften.

and as I soften, I become able to be generous where it matters most.

I am generous with my heart.
I am generous with my time.
I am generous with my energy.
I am generous with my devotion.

I am generous in ways that feel generative for me.
I am generous in ways that light me up.
I am generous in ways that allow me to be & feel free.

and so, we come full circle.

I [can] love you as I love me.

stay loving. stay free.

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I have been going through an awakening.

another one.

one that has opened, stretched & transformed me.
one that is making & shaping me to its will.
one that is teaching me everything I need to know.

one that is teaching me how to be—and how to love—even more deeply & purely than ever before.

I am living in flow.
I am in flow with the Universe.
I am living & learning.
I am growing & rising.
I am beautifully becoming.
I am home.

sometimes (often) I look at my life, and I see it as a conduit for the Universe itself.

I see myself as a conduit for the power of non-resistance, and the love in non-resistance.

I watch myself grow & change at terrifying speed.
I watch myself amaze [even] me.

I watch myself learn & alchemise the lessons I am meant to, then let go of anything that is no longer serving me.

I watch myself perceive & experience every human being as my teacher.

I watch myself love, open & unfurl— mostly in that order.

what I wanted was to find my people, and I am finding them.
what I wanted was to be able to own my desires & speak my truth, and I am doing so.
what I wanted was to choose, commit to & trust myself more deeply & powerfully than ever before, and that is how I am living my life.

it feels different now. I am different now.

I have my heart on my sleeve.
I have dropped my guard.
I am not here to posture or pretend.
I am not here to “do” anything.
I am here to follow what’s alive & never go faster than I can feel.

and I am doing that. I am living that. I am finally, inexorably, giving myself permission.

and I feel unstoppable.

my relationships are everything to me.

I say that over & over & over again, because it’s true.

I feel it over & over & over again, too.

I am so proud of myself.
I am in love with myself.
I am in love with who I am becoming.
I am so beautiful.

right people, right time, right action. pure love.

I watch myself process the magic & mystery in real time.
I watch myself “get it”. I watch myself surrender [even more] deeply to it.
I watch myself remember. I watch myself come home.

I leave the US in twenty-something days, and it doesn’t matter.

because my life is here. by which I mean—my life is everywhere, and I am free in a whole new way. and I am guided in a whole new way. and I am supported in a whole new way.

and I can rest.

I am a spiritual warrior.
I am an adventurer.
I am a teacher.
I am a student.
I am a lover.

I follow my heart.
I follow my aliveness.
I seize each & every day.

I listen. I learn. I love.
I surrender.

I am protected.
I am provided for.
I am wanted.

this is all I ever wanted.

thank you for everything.

I wouldn’t be me without you.

what’s alive for me right now is the roar (and limitation) of ambition, juxtaposed with a deeper desire for safety & belonging— and softness.

just softness. I want softness. I want (and need) to be & feel held.

always, always, always— and forever.

it is okay to want this. it is okay to need this.
this is beautiful. I am beautiful.

what do I care about?
what do I care for?
what is meaningful to me?

my people.

why is that so vulnerable? because it is not something I can do alone; because it is intrinsically dependent on others; because it is, by nature, intrinsically vulnerable.

because that is the life I choose.
because that is the life I have chosen.

I choose power in vulnerability.
I choose love in vulnerability.
and I choose the love in (and of) truth.

I write this post missing you.

you left this morning. I won’t see you for a week.
in all the highs, I see my humanity. I feel my humanity.

I want to be able to share freely here.
I don’t know what I am scared of.

we are writing the rules together.
we are imagining the rules together.

I’m remembering what [redacted] said a couple of years ago: “it feels like you’re living on the edge of Being, where frameworks go to die. thank you. I’m grateful for you.”

I live in the place where frameworks go to die.

and from there, something else emerges. somethings else, plural. because there are no constrictions to singularity here.

and this place isn’t easy. this place requires discernment. this place requires so, so, so much of me.

in this place, I get to create what I want. the price is continually making it up, reshaping it, honing it, refining it. [my] life is my playground & magic. [my] life is a compass & prophecy for aliveness.

it is scary for me. I get scared too. I want to be able to be seen in my fear of power as well as everything else. I want to be able to be seen in my fear of myself. I know that allowing myself to be seen is an act of love.

I love my tenderness. I love my heart. I love my essence. I love my innocence. I love my beingness. I love my ways of being.

I love the way I love. I love who I am. I love the things I struggle with too because they teach me how to befriend & tend to myself in new ways.

I love myself. I love who I am.

I want to share more here. I [feel like I] don’t know how to.

maybe writing in fragments will help.

actually, yes— that feels right. maybe even beautiful.

I like the paywall too. there’s a sense of precision.

people have opted into this. access to my mind & soul. the $ amount is small, and it’s symbolic.

I like it here. I want to value myself more.

all these strange, beautiful paradoxes.

a few weeks ago, at a party, someone made a comment about this— about me not valuing myself enough. and it stuck with me because there is a truth to it [too]. I live an unconventional life, give in unconventional ways, and make unconventional choices. not for the sake of being unconventional, but because the values that lie beneath this are important to me: honouring myself, embodying love, teaching with the clarity of my example, daring to dream.

how good am I willing to have it?
how good am I willing to feel?

I am not who I might seem to be. or rather, I am many things. and, I am continually evolving. sometimes I wonder if and/or fear that it’s hard to keep up with me.

right now, I am faced with a unique opportunity for a do-over. a unique opportunity for creation. a unique opportunity to embrace aliveness.

I leave SF in just over a month. in order to come back, I will need a different kind of visa. I don’t want to “work hard”. I don’t want to “push through”. I want to be radically imaginative. I want ingenuity. I want wholeness.

I don’t want to mastermind a grand plan or big vision. I want supporters. I want collaboration.

I want (and need) to be set up for success—and to THRIVE—too.

short- and long-term, I want far more than money.

I have always wanted (and cared for) far more than money.

money is not the object[ive]; money is a beautiful, albeit blunt instrument.

I want the right people in my corner.
I want to receive what I give.

I yearn to create long-term, meaningful, strategic partnerships over time. long-term, meaningful, strategic partnerships where we both can thrive.

where we ALL can thrive.

this is what I want.
this is what I have to give.

and perhaps it comes with (or in) a different structure.

perhaps it doesn’t fit into neat boxes.
perhaps I was wrong.
perhaps I was trying to appease someone else’s idea of who I should (or needed) to be.
perhaps I was playing too much within the rules.
perhaps I was making it too hard for myself.

maybe I want to be able to be committed, devoted & unreasonable at the same time.
maybe I want to be able to rest [more]. maybe I want to be able to trust [more].
maybe I never want to do “my own thing” again.

fuck being a boss bitch.

I want a soft life. I want to be cared for.

maybe I want to be able to ask for help.
maybe I want to be able to soften.
maybe I’m doing everything right.
maybe I have been doing everything right.

maybe I’m surrounded by people who love me, who want me to thrive [too].
maybe it’s all going to turn out alright.

… maybe I think too much ;)

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and… just like you/me/us, life yearns for love.

when people are afraid of themselves, what happens?

they shut [themselves] down.

when people shut [themselves] down, what happens?

they are in conflict with a fundamental part of [their] nature, and cannot grow— let alone transform.

they do not allow themselves to be nurtured.
they do not allow themselves to be tended to.
they do not allow themselves to belong.

when people do not allow themselves to be nurtured, tended to, and belong, what happens?

they live a half-life. a disconnected life. a life that is not set up for them to thrive. a life that does not allow them to thrive. a life that prevents them from thriving. a life that hurts them. a life they do not—cannot—love.

because it is a life that is not right for them. all because they are afraid of themselves.

because they want more, and they need more, and they love more. and the life they are living denies this. the life they are living denies them. and being denied HURTS. meanwhile, you/I/we can only be squashed for so long before you crumple— or rebel.

and yet, at heart, all they want is for their life to be a reflection (and embodiment) of their capacity to love.

and all they want is all we want. all they want is all we are. all they want is to remember who they are. all we want is to step into & become who we really are.

all we want is [to] love.

you are me and I am you and they are we & us. and together, we are on a journey of becoming. together, we can & do become who we really are.

the heart knows what it wants.
the heart wants what it wants.
and the heart yearns to be listened to by us.

beyond that, the heart yearns to be cherished.

just like your heart yearns to be cherished. just like my heart yearns to be cherished. just like our hearts yearn to be cherished.

we are more similar than we are different. we are one.

we are love.

my bed. my home. my safe place. warmth.

I’m writing this from a place that feels good for me.

and the beauty, irony, and reconciliation of all of this is that the place I’m writing from—symbolically & otherwise—is also what I’m passionate about.

love. sex. intimacy. feeling good.

what happens when all of the above are combined (or simply underpinned by) a deep, embodied sense of safety. what becomes possible.

I love sex, and I love it in a way that I’ve never seen or heard anyone speak about it before.

I love sex for its fire, power, and pull.
I love sex for its quiet strength.
I love sex for what it is, and what it represents.
I love sex for its SOUL.

I think it’s been deeply misunderstood.

I’m obsessed with the communication that’s not only possible but PRESENT for & between bodies when we slow down enough to listen. and I’m obsessed with dismantling obstacles to that presence, connection, and oneness, in myself & others, not because there is somewhere to get to but because getting somewhere [beautiful, meaningful & transformative] is inevitable when you operate from that place— at least in my experience.

sex humbles me. sex heals me.
and the “me” that I’m referring to is personal & impersonal at the same time.

in many ways, in my opinion, sex is the ultimate body-based philosophy. followed to its logical conclusion, it is the physical enactment of “follow what’s alive, and never go faster than you can feel”. and it offers (and embodies) limitless potentiality.

it doesn’t require a partner, and it also isn’t restricted to one. or two. or three. there are many flavours of sexuality, sensuality & love. all are welcome. all belong. all have their rightful place. all have a loving, innocent essence, and essential beauty.

I believe that sex is the way in which we come home to ourselves, albeit this kind of sex may not be anything like the sex we’ve experienced before. it may not look or feel like sex in any form we recognise as “sex”.

and, it is sex.

because sex is creative power, made flesh.

and sex— at least the kind of sex I’m passionate about— is the embodiment & expression of love.

that’s what makes it powerful.
that’s what makes it beautiful.
that’s what makes it holy.

that’s what makes it inherently whole, and inherently wholesome.

that’s what makes it the greatest route I know to god and godliness, in self & others, with self & others.

together.

when sex is love, there is no resistance anymore.

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